Discipline and Limit-Setting: 12 to 24 Months
In order to follow rules and understand limits, children need to have self-control. Self-control is the ability to cope with strong feelings and stop ourselves from doing something we want to do, but cannot (or should not). Developing self-control begins at birth and continues across our lives. Young children learn self-control through interactions with peers and guidance from parents and other loving adults.
Young Toddlers and Self-Control
Toddlers express their strong feelings loud and clear. “No!” becomes a favorite word. Toddlers can also become easily frustrated because there are still many things that they want to do but cannot. Here is an example of how toddlers learn self-control:
What You Can Do To Help Young Toddlers Begin To Cope With LimitsProvide guidance and intervention that is appropriate for you toddler’s age and stage.
Stand there. When your child is having a tantrum, as long as he’s not in any danger, stop for a moment and think about: What is she struggling with? (For example, is she tired, hungry, overwhelmed, scared, frustrated, angry, and why.) How can I help her cope with these feelings? What do I want her to learn from this situation? What am I feeling and reacting to? Giving yourself the time to think through what’s going on for both you and your child will help you respond in a calm and effective way. Be a role model for showing children healthy ways to cope with strong feelings. I can’t find my keys, and we’re running late. I am so frustrated right now. I think I will take a deep breath and count to five before I look for them. Create a safe space in your home where children can go when they need a break. This is a place that should be viewed as soothing and positive, not as punishment. Fill it with comfort objects such as pillows, stuffed animals and books. You can even ask your child to help set it up. When your child is having a breakdown or acting out, he can go there to “chill out” and regroup. You can explain that it is okay to be angry, sad, frustrated, etc, but that it is not okay to yell, hit, scream, etc. This is the safe place where children can go to feel calmer and pull themselves together.
There is an important difference between spoiling and soothing. If your child throws a tantrum when you say “no” to television and you change the rule and let him watch, that is giving in. He is learning that a tantrum is a successful way to get what he wants. But if you let him know that you understand he is disappointed and angry (but a rule is a rule), and then help him calm down and begin another activity, you are teaching him to cope with disappointment.
