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A child’s social-emotional development is as important as her brain and physical development. It is her desire to connect with others that motivates her to learn. And her sense of who she is in the world deeply impacts how much and how well she learns, as well as the quality of the relationships she builds with others.
A child’s social-emotional skills drive her to learn to communicate, connect with others, resolve conflict, and cope with challenges. They give her the confidence she needs to reach goals, and the ability to persist in the face of difficulty. Like other important milestones babies and toddlers achieve in the first three years—such as walking and talking—developing social-emotional skills takes times, practice, and lots of patience from parents and caregivers. Unlike learning to walk and talk, however, social-emotional skills are not as easy to see. But when we learn to read our child’s cues in order to understand what she may be thinking and feeling, we are supporting her healthy development in all areas, including her social-emotional skills.
Take a Walk in My Shoes: Helping Your Child Develop Empathy
Empathy, or the ability to imagine how another person is feeling, is a critical life skill. Among other things, empathy helps children share and take turns, form lasting friendships, and manage aggression. Click here to learn how you can help toddlers learn and practice empathy.
Slap! Ouch! Mommmmmm!
What to do when your 2-year-old slaps an older sibling? Read more about this very common behavior and how to handle it.
Is That a Lady or a Man? Responding to Your Toddler's Questions About Differences
Asking questions about the people and things that fill their world is normal and healthy for toddlers. But what do you do when those questions can be hurtful to others (or embarrassing to you)? Read more for ideas on how to respond.
I'm Scared: Responding to Your Toddlers' Fears
Browse this selection of question-and-answers about how to handle common toddler fears, including a fear of the doctor, a fear of the dark, and a fear of costumes and masks.
Social-Emotional Development From Birth to Three
Making friends. Showing anger in a healthy way. Figuring out conflicts peacefully. Taking care of someone who has been hurt. Waiting patiently. Following rules. Enjoying the company of others. All of these qualities, and more, describe the arc of healthy social-emotional development. Like any skill, young children develop these abilities in small steps over time. Learn what you can do to support social-emotional development in your child from birth to age three.
Birth to 12 Months [22 KB  ]
12 to 24 Months [22 KB ]
24 to 36 Months [25 KB ]
Control Yourself: How Young Children Begin Learning Self-Control from Birth to Three
These three new age-based handouts focus on how children begin to learn self-control—the ability to manage their emotions and stick to the limits you set. While babies aren’t born with self-control, they begin the process of developing this skill in their first months with the guidance of caring adults.
Birth to 12 Months
12 to 24 Months
24 to 36 Months
Raising a Thankful Child
Here you'll find some tips on helping your child develop the qualities of thankfulness and gratitude. Learning to be appreciative helps children in many ways across their lives—in building strong and healthy relationships, resisting marketing pressure for the “latest and greatest”, and becoming sensitive to the needs of others less fortunate than they are.
The Magic of Everyday Moments
Highlights developmental milestones from birth to three, including social-emotional skills, and shows how parents can support their children's healthy development through everyday interactions and routines.
Healthy Minds: Nurturing Your Child’s Development
Provides age-based information and research on how a child's brain develops from birth to three; focuses on how parents can nurture key school readiness skills in their children, including social-emotional skills.
Tips for Promoting Social-Emotional Development
Discusses how parents can support their child’s social-emotional development through everyday interactions.
Tips on Helping Your Child Build Relationships
Highlights how parents can promote the development of relationship-building skills—the ability to bond and connect with others—in their babies and toddlers.
Tips on Helping Your Child Develop Confidence
Offers suggestions for parents on promoting children’s sense of self-confidence.
Tips on Helping Your Child Learn to Cooperate
Offers suggestions for parents on encouraging their child’s ability to cooperate with others.
Tips on Helping Your Child Learn to Communicate
Offers suggestions to parents on supporting children’s language and communication skills.
Tips on Helping Your Child Be Persistent
Offers suggestions to parents on encouraging their children to “stick-to-it” and persist in the face of challenges.
Tips on Helping Your Child Learn Self-Control
Offers suggestions to parents for helping children learn to manage their emotions and learn the skill of self-control.
Tips on Nurturing Your Child’s Curiosity
Offers suggestions to parents for encouraging their children’s interest and joy in the world around them.
Chew On This: Responding to Toddlers Who Bite
Learn why toddlers bite, what to do when it happens, and how your child can develop more acceptable ways of expressing herself and meeting her needs.
Learn why toddlers offer up their share of challenging behavior and read up on the different ways you can help them learn to express their strong feelings in acceptable ways.
No, No, No!: Toddlers and Challenging Behavior
Healthy From the Start: How Feeding Nurtures Your Young Child's Body, Heart, and Mind
Offers parents information on how feeding skills unfold over the first three years. Explores how feeding is much more than about food—it is a chance to bond with children and nurture their social-emotional skills. Provides strategies for dealing with “picky eaters” as well. If you would like to download this resource, please register or log-in now.
Divorce and Discipline: Helping children learn limits when each parent has a different approach to house rules
This resource is designed to help parents create a supportive home environment for their child when he is moving between houses in a shared custody arrangement. There are also practical suggestions for helping young children cope with two different sets of “house rules." Read more.
Getting Ready for School Begins at Birth
Discusses how parents can foster the skills necessary for school success—including self-confidence and self-control—in their babies and toddlers. To download this resource, register or log-in now.
The Power of Play: Learning Through Play from Birth to Three
Explores how play is the primary means that children learn from birth to age three, including how play supports children’s development in all areas, including their social-emotional skills. To download this resource, register or log-in now.
On the Move: The Power of Movement in Your Child’s First Three Years
Discusses how movement activities support young children’s development in all areas, including social-emotional skills like self-confidence and cooperation. If you would like to download this resource, register or log-in now.
Getting in Tune: The Powerful Influence of Music on Young Children’s Development
Discusses how exposure to music enhances children’s social-emotional development, especially in bonding with loved ones. To download this resource, register or log-in now.
When a Child is Inconsolable: Staying Near
Essay from the Zero to Three Journal exploring how, when a child is upset, “all” a caring adult can do is be there—and that is plenty.
Helping Young Children Channel Their Aggressive Tendencies
Provides tips to parents for guiding toddlers to more acceptable behaviors.
Love, Learning, and Routines
Tips for parents highlighting how routines support children’s healthy social-emotional development.
Little Listeners in an Uncertain World
Provides strategies for helping very young children cope with stressful, frightening or traumatic events.
Telephone Tantrums
As soon as I answer the phone, my 1-year-old always starts fussing for my attention. What can I do?
Biting
My 13-month-old has started biting me and I don't know what to do.
Encouraging Independence
My 16-month-old is in that phase where he wants to do everything by himself, from opening a lollipop wrapper to pouring his own milk. He's too little to do some things without making a mess or getting hurt--he even wants to cut his own food with the knife. How can I reason with him?
Toddler Aggression
My sister's son is the same age as mine-16 months-and I want them to be good friends. The only problem is my nephew is a bit more aggressive; he'll run over and grab my son or snatch a toy out of his hand. Now my child is scared of his cousin and runs over to me when he sees him coming! How can I help them to get along?
No Kisses
My 16-month-old is shy and doesn't like being "smothered" by our out-of-town relatives at the holidays. How can I help her cope?
Power Struggles
My 18-month-old refuses to brush her teeth. We have a power struggle every morning and at bedtime. What can I do?
Me Do It!
I can't get a handle on my 20-month-old's moods. He wakes up happy, then five minutes later he's furious at me for not letting him pour his own Cheerios. And I never know if he wants my hugs or will shrug away from me if I try! Is this normal?
Loss of a Loved One
My father recently died, and I've been dealing with it okay, but I'm not sure what to do concerning my 20-month-old. When we go to my parents' house, she asks for Pop-pop and we tell her he's not home. However, I can't keep doing this. I don't want her to forget her grand-dad, but how can you explain to a baby that someone has died?
Pacifiers
How do I wean my 20-month-old daughter off her pacifier? She goes to sleep with it and uses it to calm herself down when she's upset.
Nightmares
For some reason my daughter has had three nightmares in the past two months and she is only two years old. Where do bad dreams come from?
Imaginary Friends
My two-year-old has developed an imaginary friend. Should I be concerned?
Too Easygoing?
I saw another child take the toy my 2 1/2-year-old was playing with. My son didn't protest at all. What can I do to help him be more assertive?
Carry me!
My toddler always wants to be carried, but he's getting too heavy to constantly be in my arms. He'll often throw a tantrum until I pick him up. What can I do?
To Tell You the Truth
I've caught my 3-year-old telling fibs from time-to-time. How do I handle it?
Divorce and Discipline
How do I help my 3-year-old son understand that there are different rules at my house, compared to his mother's house (who is more lenient)?
Rewards
Is it ever okay to reward a child for good behavior?
What is PDD?
My child has just been diagnosed with "pervasive developmental disorder/autism spectrum disorder." What are my next steps?
For a wide range of professional resources on social-emotional development—too numerous to list here—visit ZERO TO THREE's key topic on Early Childhood Mental Health which provides a more clinical perspective on this subject.
Helping Young Children Succeed
Describes how state policymakers can support the healthy social-emotional development of young children from birth to age 5. (Joint research and policy report developed by the ZERO TO THREE Policy Center and the National Conference of State Legislatures.)
[ 1.27 MB ]
Improving Maternal and Infant Mental Health: Focus on Maternal Depression
Explores the impact of maternal depression on very young children. (Joint policy brief of ZERO TO THREE and the National Center for Infant and Early Childhood Health Policy at UCLA.)
[ 611 KB ]
Infant-Early Childhood Mental Health: A Concern for All
Presentation made by Cindy Oser, R.N., M.S., Director ZERO TO THREE West for the Health Resources and Services Administration/Maternal and Child Health Bureau Grantees meeting on Oct. 5, 2004. [ 899 KB ]
What's Best for My Baby and Me? (single copy) or (packet of 12)
By Claire Lerner and Amy Laura Dombro 2006
Brief parent guide outlines a three-step process for decision-making around sticky child-rearing issues.
Bringing Up Baby: Three Steps to Making Good Decisions in Your Child's First Years
By Claire Lerner and Amy Laura Dombro 2005
Book shows parents easy, three-step approach for making parenting decisions in the first three years and beyond. Supporting early learning—through play and by following your child’s lead and interests—is also addressed.
Learning & Growing Together: Understanding and Supporting Your Child's Development
By Claire Lerner and Amy Laura Dombro 2000
Book explores several important parenting issues, including early childhood development milestones and what parents can do to support healthy development. Playful interactions are a cornerstone of the relationship-building strategies that are included in this book.
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