Chandra, California

The Moment I Learned to Listen

I didn’t come into this work knowing what I was doing. I came in wanting to help and believing that would be enough.

What I didn’t yet understand was how much my own beliefs, reactions, and nervous system would shape what children experienced with me. Believing in babies starts with how we show up, especially in hard moments.

A Defining Moment

Early in my career, I worked with a six-year-old I’ll call Jeremiah. He had experienced more fear and instability than most adults ever will. I was trained in behavior charts, de-escalation, and control. What I wasn’t trained in was curiosity.

One day, in the middle of a chaotic moment, a bar of soap flew across the room and hit me. I picked it up and almost threw it back.

I didn’t. But I came close enough that it scared me.

I put the soap down, walked away, and came back when I could. Later, I apologized. Not to manage his behavior, but to repair the moment.

Something shifted after that day. Not because I scared him, but because I showed him anger without harm.

That pause taught me more than any training ever had.

Chandra

Behavior Is Not Random

What I know now is this: Jeremiah wasn’t unpredictable. He was exquisitely predictable once I understood what he had learned to expect.

Trauma is not just about what happened. It’s about what comes next. Babies and young children are always watching our faces, our bodies, our tone. “Fake calm” isn’t soothing. Authentic presence is.

Early childhood is not a waiting room for real life. Babies remember long before they can speak. What they experience settles into their expectations of the world and of relationships.

When babies are supported early, healing becomes possible.

Chandra

When Belief Becomes Action

Believing in babies means replacing judgment with curiosity. It means supporting caregivers and professionals so repair is possible. It means not sending people into the hardest moments without the tools, supervision, and support they need.

I stay in this work because I’ve seen what happens when a child’s story is met with care instead of fear. When someone says, “You’re not alone.” When belief becomes action.

Share