Every year at back to school time, it is not uncommon for parents of children entering kindergarten to look back at how ready they are for the challenges of “big school.” Did their preschool experience prepare them for what lies ahead? Are they ready to start more formal schooling? Most parents watch proudly as their 5-year-old grabs her backpack and heads out the door to her first day of kindergarten—her “official” start into the world of education and learning. Few might imagine that their child has actually been preparing for this day since she first opened her eyes.
More than 20 years ago, ZERO TO THREE’s seminal publication Heart Start: The Emotional Foundations of School Readiness identified the essential characteristics a child needs to take on the world of formal education: confidence, curiosity, intentionality, self-control, relatedness (being able to engage with others based on a sense of understanding), capacity to communicate, and cooperativeness. Often these attributes are called “soft skills,” although they are anything but mushy. In reality, social-emotional development goes hand-in-hand with cognitive development as the bricks and mortar of early brain architecture.
Young children develop these skills and attributes through relationships.
Starting from birth, babies are learning who they are by how they are treated. This is how they come to know the world and their place in it. Loving relationships provide young children a sense of comfort, safety, and confidence, and they offer a buffer against stressful times. They teach young children how to form friendships, experience and communicate emotions, and to deal with challenges—to develop social-emotional wellness. Strong, positive relationships also help children develop trust, empathy, compassion, generosity, and a sense of right and wrong. They also give children the confidence to explore their world, to become curious, eager learners. The good news for parents and caregivers: fostering positive social-emotional development isn’t an add-on to nurturing very young children; it’s the heart of the matter and unfolds in the everyday moments of life.
Just as babies are wired to learn, so are they wired for feeling.
They are extremely sensitive to the feelings and emotions of the adults to whom they are attached. Their ability to cope with stressful situations and their own tidal wave of emotions also depends on how their caregivers respond. To be sure, helping young children develop in a positive way isn’t easy. Many parents and caregivers may not fully understand what behavior is typical or within the normal range for an age group. As anyone who has ever coped with a toddler having a meltdown in the grocery store knows, normal behavior can still be challenging. In a Little Kids, Big Questions podcast, ZERO TO THREE Board Member Dr. Ross Thompson notes that the area of the brain responsible for self-regulation is one of the latest to develop. But he offers many insights and thoughtful advice for parents coping in the meantime.
Babies need supportive relationships
Parents’ own mental health issues, such as maternal depression, can make them less responsive to their babies, which in turn is reflected in how their babies respond to the world. And sometimes children’s environments create high levels of stress that find their outlet in challenging behaviors.