Stoking Hope in Early Childhood Education: Ten Trauma-Sensitive Tips for Supporting Families
In Building Trauma-Sensitive Schools, I wrote that creating trauma-sensitive learning environments demands profound hope, but it’s not a hope that will have “you batting your eyes in anticipation of some imaginary place in the bright blue sky where unicorns jump over rainbows.” Instead, it’s a “real-life, give-it-everything-you-have-to-give hope, because every child is worth it.” Hope, these days, though, is complicated at best.
In the U.S., early childhood education is at risk along with Medicaid cuts, escalating fear and trauma related to immigration status, and a resurgence of misplaced blame on mothers regarding autism. All of this (and more) harms children, families, and staff. Plus, the news is full of overwhelming “stuff” (picture me saying this while flailing my hands in every direction).
How are we supposed to have hope in these hard times? Here’s my short answer. Hope is more important than ever right now. I’ll teach you what I mean by this. I also have ten trauma-sensitive suggestions to help you actualize hope as you partner with families this year.
What Hope Isn’t and Is
Hope isn’t a feeling or a wish you want to get fulfilled, even though we often talk about it as if it is. We say things like, “I feel hopeful about the future.” Or, “I hope this little one can be more successful this year.” These statements can set us up for disappointment because our difference-making is reliant on emotions that change with new circumstances. When hope is a wish, it tends to be fleeting and lacks follow-through. Instead, think of hope as action we take, especially when we work with others instead of alone. That’s the hope I’m talking about—collective action. We can engage in it anytime, including the roughest of times.
Acting for Hope
I think of hope like a passionate fire that needs to be protected and stoked. We are part of that fire. We each need good care, fuel, ideas to stir in our imagination and within our communities, air to sustain us, and space (as well as rest) to spread our light for the long haul. Sometimes our actions are about stopping things, but that’s only hopeful if we’re also creating and inciting good for people (or the planet).
Here are several ways to stoke hope as action as an early childhood educator:
- Get clear on your values —you might start with prioritizing what will help everyone be and feel safer in your setting. Then, take it one step at a time to get there, adjusting as you need to. You can’t do everything at once, so keep your goals manageable and don’t rush. One suggestion? Focus first on boosting real and felt safety with families and staff. Hint: I have suggestions for doing this in the next section.
- Rely on and nourish your community, including yourself, as you do the work together. Emphasize devices down and eyes up on your grounds. Learn and use the names individuals wish to be called. Don’t shorten them. Ask if you’re pronouncing names correctly, too. Take time for check-ins when you start meetings or professional learning. One of my favs lately is to invite folks to share what their weather is like (inside or out). Additionally, never underestimate the power of feeding your people at work–it’s nurturing. Most importantly, look for the good stuff that’s happening, you’ll find it. Name it out loud in authentic ways or write notes about it on a whiteboard in your staff area. Encourage others to add to it!
- Take breaks and fill your cup. For me, this requires turning off the news and choosing when/where I seek written information regularly. It also means finding or creating beauty every day, reading for enjoyment, and spending time with loved ones, especially in nature. I also need laughter—lots of it! When we know what is helpful to us and can share that with our people at work and at home, we can support one another with reminders. Here’s an example. “You seem discouraged lately. When was the last time you went for a hike? I know how much nature fills your soul.” Use this download to explore and share ideas with your team.
- Keep learning—always. As soon as we might think we have it all figured out, we don’t —so we need to keep growing! When our stress responses are taxed, though, it often makes us want to act hastily. The more we can slow down, get curious, and be in conversation where we truly listen, the better we will feel and the more we’ll understand, too.
Supporting families is a great avenue for stoking hope through action so let’s get to those tips.
Why Focus on Families
A significant amount of trauma-sensitive training for early childhood educators focuses on meeting the needs of babies, toddlers, and young children. This is important, and… Primary caregivers are the most important attachment figures in our youngest learners’ lives. The more we support families in trauma-informed ways, the more children get what they need to survive and thrive. Families are already under incredible stress, and sometimes trauma-sensitive training has encouraged providers (whether intentionally or not) to blame parents and neighborhoods for causing personal traumas for their kids. Families feel this, and it makes things harder for them. Primary caregivers need support—not judgment.
Consider how some groups of people get set up for big stress. Additionally, just like we accept youth right where they are, every parent is doing their best, too. Families can be safer together and grow with just right supports in place. This doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility to provide every support, but you do play an integral role.
Ten Trauma-Sensitive Suggestions for Supporting Primary Caregivers
Say these words out loud and often to families—mean it when you say them.
“You, as the primary caregiver(s), are more important than anyone else in your child’s life. My job is to support you.” Smile when you genuinely say these words. Then, show that you mean them with your actions.
Fill families’ cups by taking good care of them—even in small ways at drop-off and pick-up times. Greet families every time you see them. Learn their names!
When it’s welcomed, a caring touch on the arm of a family caregiver can really mean something. Say things like, “What was your high or low today?” And… “Let me tell you about one of your child’s highs.” You can even prompt little ones to share good news with their family member(s) at the end of the day.
Say, “You know best because you know your child best.”
Also ask primary caregivers about their child’s preferences or what certain behaviors might mean about their needs. Even a, “What do you do when they do this ____?” sends a message that you’re working together and you value their insights.
Notice and name the ways parents (and other caregivers) notice and meet their children’s needs.
Communicate this out loud in front of the child and parent so they experience how you are for them. Like, “I’ve noticed that Dad knows just what to do when you’re sad.” Or, “Mom makes you laugh. You two have so much fun together.” This builds awareness of positive things already happening and increases families’ trust in you, too.
When a primary caregiver has a concern, listen to understand, not simply to respond.
Mirror back what you hear them saying. “You seem concerned about…” Add, “I can understand why that’s on your mind.” You can acknowledge someone else’s perspective without agreeing with them. Doing so communicates that we see the other human, and we care.
When you have a concern about a child, start with a truth that gets to the point quickly, and keep the focus on working together by using the word we.
From there, you can each share your perspective while the other listens, aiming for joint solutions. Here is one way to start a conversation like this. “I’m calling to discuss a concern from today that needs our attention. Most importantly, everybody is safe right now. I’m reaching out so we can work together to address this. Is now a good time for this conversation or would you rather come in today so we can chat in-person?”
Use I wonder… statements to get specific about potential skills or needs that may need more support.
Examples: “We’re both noticing this pattern in your child. I wonder if it’s hard for them to _____ (name the skill). Is that something you’re interested in helping them with together?” Or, “All families need support and resources. I wonder if you’d like to explore additional supports or resources related to _____ (identify the potential need).” Wondering and asking instead of telling honors the other person’s agency—meaning their choices—which is empowering instead of disempowering.
When it comes to resources for the home environment, offer options to adults that may help them help kids instead of giving things to children directly.
For instance, helping with holiday gifts should be about helping primary caregivers, not children. Even titling your giving as seeking support for families—instead of kids—sends an important message about building up families instead of trying to replace their care. Better yet? Organize opportunities for mutual aid rather than charity-type efforts. For example, be part of a clothing swap instead of handing out items. This reinforces the importance of community care!
Find and create joy with families—be authentic.
One idea? Ask to take photos of family members with their children (e.g., while hugging their child at pick-up or during a conversation when a child shows their parent something they created). Put these images up on your walls (when you have permission to do so). Imagine how comforting it would be to drop off your kiddo in a setting where you can see how much caregiver-child relationships are valued when you first come inside the door!
When you find yourself judging, hold up.
Be aware of cultural differences, knowing that your way isn’t always the right way for someone else. When people are different from you, it can be exciting—a chance to learn something new about humanity and the world. Soak it up!
As the saying goes, “We’re all in this together.” No matter how tough these days may be, you have power within your actions as an early childhood educator to help make things better for your community. As you do this, I’m advocating for your programs. I’m also incredibly thankful for the important work you do every day.
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Jen Alexander (M.A., NCC, SB-RPT) is an experienced trauma-informed educator, school counselor, expert on childhood trauma, international speaker, trainer, and…
