Michael, California

My Son Gave Me Purpose

One thing I wish more people understood is how deeply connected parents are to our children.

When my mental health is in crisis, or I’m facing a challenge, my child feels it too. Even if he can’t see what I’m going through, he can feel the shift in me. That connection runs deep. It’s at the core of who we are as parents.

And that’s exactly why parents must be engaged as true partners in every decision that affects our children.

We say parents are the experts in their families. But too often, systems don’t show up that way. Real partnership means honoring what parents have to say, respecting it, and valuing it, even when it’s hard, even when it challenges the way things have always been done.

For me, the key difference is simple: relational, not transactional.

When I Finally Felt Seen

When I was going through the child welfare system, I couldn’t recall a time I felt seen or heard. That was two years of intervention, two years of people trying to “help”, but never truly listening.

The first time I really felt seen was when I was invited to speak at an engagement. A child welfare director approached me with tears in his eyes and said, “Your story impacted me.”

That moment changed my life.

It helped me heal because it was the first time someone from the system truly related to what I was trying to say. I realized that when leaders are willing to be moved, to reflect, and to listen, they don’t just change policies. They change people.

Systems are not designed to support fathers the way they should. Many services are built around moms and children, but fathers are often an afterthought.

Michael

What Families Need Early

Housing is hard for everyone in many communities, but fathers can face additional challenges. If a dad is without shelter and has a young daughter, he may not even be able to access a shelter without being separated from his child. Family shelters exist, but they can be hard to find. So, the very places meant to keep families safe can become another point of separation.

Believing in babies means believing in fathers, too

I remember being corrected for how I carried my son, facing outward instead of toward me. What I heard wasn’t guidance, it was doubt. The message was that I didn’t know what I was doing.

But instinctively, I wanted my son to see the world and feel safe enough to explore.

Later, I learned that early brain science proves that those moments mattered. Supporting exploration helps build safety and grow a child’s brain. I just didn’t have the words for it then.

That’s why real engagement starts with listening. Hear fathers out. Ask why. Replace judgment with curiosity.

My son gave me purpose from the moment he was placed in my hands. And if you’re a parent, especially a father, navigating systems that feel stacked against you, know this: you are not alone.

Believing in babies means trusting parents and supporting fathers to show up for the children who need them most.

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